monsoon blues

Today, for the first day, i am really really blue here. i even wept a drop of tear, tried sleeping in the afternoon and got up in a few minutes feeling some fear, some heartache. i found myself saying, 'oh god! i cannot live this life' then i said, 'what am i saying?'

i had fired the woman who worked for me two days ago. naturally the house has not been cleaned ever since- not the manner she cleans it. so here i am just with a functional kitchen and just managing to feed the dogs, not even walking them properly- raga's long walks are long over. i am wondering whether it is the weather causing this or is it me or what is it, or is it the loneliness?