today is one of those ones

today is one of those (for long) elusive writing days

when tis only the pen, paper and me

so after a long time of being away from them i seem to be returning

and in that break that i took how doubtful i had become

that i could write at all...but now tis ok. i have not yet run out of

ideas, though certainly a certain frozen-ness remains,

a relative impassiveness that at times scares...

but now that today has dawned and i am now thinking of returning to writing again

it must mean return to the long left behind semblance of normalcy.

whenever i set out to write prose, it becomes verse. i dont want to do it deliberately. i want to write, just plain write. i dont know why i wanted to write about this not so publically acknowledged side of me. but i am sure i have my reasons as does anyone who picks up a pen to write. i want to write back and forth in time. for a decade and a half have gone by since i was declared to be having MDP...in those days that is how it was referred to...manic depressive psychosis. when i see the sites of those others who also have the same sometimes they dont have such long histories. that long a history is naturally full of that many experiences and that much variety. this blog here is intended to meditate on those moments in a publically private niche.

you are indeed welcome to be a part of this. this is my cleansing. my weeping, my laughing, my joking, my musing, my unveiling and of course my confessions. here you will probably meet me like you will meet me in no other avatar of mine- the musician, writer, poet, painter, gardener, dog-woman, child, wife (not currently) daughter, sister, friend, neighbour and all else i could be. perhaps the only side of me which would not show up here is the student and teacher- but then all of us -especially us 'awoken' ones- remain students/teachers all our lives don't we?

this blog will probably link to you all my other blogs on the internet...there are several, including my poetry one and one which is going to be my foto blog. as a matter of fact, right now i think i must be having at least four or five blogs all over. mostly all of them are distinct, dealing with separate sides of me.

i should have a separate blog for the lamentations which my heart does. i really want to howl- the howl of the wolverine against so much, in favour of a few things and to protest against some of the injustices going on. but for now, out here i am going to limit myself to the bipolar side of me- something i wanted to share with a therapist, a friend, or a woman in the family.